


Dying of Boredom

by alittlegreenrosetta



Series: Safe, Sane and Consensual? [3]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: BDSM, Bittersweet, Blood Play, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Impact Play, Kink, Knife Play, Master/Slave, Sexual Slavery, Smut, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:03:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8041774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: The Clown Prince of Crime becomes the Emperor of Ennui and it's up to Harley Quinn to find some way to shake him out of his boredom. At a loss for new experiences to thrill the Joker she finds a BDSM event that might at least provide him with enough amusement that he doesn't start coming up with plans that might be more deadly for her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To celebrate the one year anniversary of when I started writing JXHQ I thought a new story was in order. I hope you enjoy it!

“Haaaaarleeeey!” The Joker screamed loud enough to be heard through the entire hideout. The anger and demand in his tone sent not only Harley Quinn running to his side but two or three goons had also shown up, so used to quickly meeting the demands of their rarely rational boss. Harley was the first into the office and she preened a little at the display of how alacritous she was when pleasing the Joker.

“What are you idiots doing here? I said 'Harley' didn’t I? I didn’t call out ‘Uuuuuseless Gooooons!’ did I?” The Joker demanded of the men behind her. Before the three of them had the mental wherewithal to scat, Harley heard the loud pop of a gun and one of the men dropped dead in the doorway. She turned around to look and saw blood seeping out of a hole that was nearly perfectly centered in his forehead. She turned back around and smiled at Mr. J. He still looked angry but she couldn’t help being pleased and proud of how fierce and deadly he was. You’d think she’d get used to it after a while but the Joker thrilled her each and every time he did something crazy and violent. The Joker being who he was, that meant she was in a nearly perpetual state of ecstasy around him.

Mr. J was sitting at his desk, which was not its usual pile of plans for ways to annoy Batsy. Instead the organized chaos it was usually in had devolved into flat out pandemonium. Blue prints were torn into little pieces, wadded up into crumpled balls, and a couple of them even looked like someone had set them on fire before dousing the flames instead of letting the plans burn up entirely. Pencils were broken, the penholder overturned and any other items that usually rested on the desk had been thrown around the room. Harley’s feeling of happiness from moments ago faded away and was replaced with a sense of dread. Whatever had happened to make the Joker take out so much anger on his office supplies was probably not good news for her. She knew that as soon as the other two goons had dragged the dead one away that the Joker was going to do whatever he had brought her in here for. She swallowed a lump in her throat at that thought. It was one thing for him to lose his temper and get a little rough with her but how angry did he have to be to destroy his own brilliant ideas?

“Finally, alone at last. It’s a miracle I don’t go on a daily murder spree with all these idiots in my way, taking up space and pissing me off.” Mr. J grumbled as the goons left. Harley considered correcting him, he did go on a murder spree most days if he wasn’t in Arkham. It didn’t seem like the right time to fuss over details so she held her tongue.

“What was it you wanted, Puddin’? Are you hungry? I can send someone out for some lunch or if you want I can try making you something.” Harley couldn’t really cook but it felt like something she should be able to do for her Puddin’ so she sometimes tried her hand at it. She’d only burned down one hideout, most of the time everything turned out ok. Inedible but you know, so long as no one had third degree burns it seemed like a cooking success story to her.

“No!” The Joke exclaimed and then in a calmer tone continued. “There’s no need for that Harley, I couldn’t eat a thing. That’s part of why I called you in here. I think I’m sick.”

“Sick?” Harley didn’t mean to sound incredulous but Mr. J did not get sick. Not ever.

“Yes, sick! Maybe dying even. I don’t know. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight. All my plans are complete nonsense. I don’t even want to torment the Bat right now. I don’t want to do anything really. No matter what I try it just seems like the fun has gone out of everything. You were a doctor, so cure me.” The Joker said all of this in a voice more vulnerable than Harley had ever heard before. He must truly believe he was sick. And when he said the fun had gone out of everything Harley felt her own jaw drop. Mr. J was the very embodiment of fun!

Harley walked over to him and put her hand on his forehead, it was cool and dry. She looked into his eyes and they seemed perfectly fine. She hadn’t been a medical doctor of course but everyone knows how to check and see if someone seems sick or not. She felt around his neck and didn’t feel any swollen glands and when he opened his mouth to say ‘Ahhh’ at her request his throat was normal looking. As far as she could tell he was perfectly healthy though pretending to examine him was starting to turn her on. She lost herself for a moment in the fantasy of playing doctor with the Joker and just as she felt a jolt of pleasure stab through her core she realized the Mr. J was staring at her with an obvious look of displeasure on his face. Apparently where her mind had been headed hadn’t been hard to read on her face. She blushed a little and pretended to take his pulse though she really had no idea what was normal or what would be a bad sign.

“It’s a good thing I came along and rescued you from your previous life when I did or I’m sure you’d be part of a scandalous lawsuit over inappropriate behavior with your patients by now.” The Joker said in a droll tone. Apparently he forgot exactly how they met or he didn’t really understand where the line was for inappropriate when it came to therapists and mental patients.

“Sorry, Puddin’, you know the effect you have on me.” She popped a quick kiss on his face before he could stop her. “As far as I can tell you’re perfectly healthy. I mean are you in pain or are there any other symptoms you didn’t tell me about?”

“Not really. I suppose I feel even more hatred for everything than normal. It just all seems so pointless. Even shooting that goon seemed meaningless.” The Joker sighed and shrugged. Harley’s eyes got wide and then she started to giggle. The idea of the Joker of all people experiencing ennui was just too funny.

“You bitch! How dare you laugh at a dying man!” The Joker exclaimed in shock at the fact that Harley Quinn was laughing at him when he was being dead serious. He grabbed her by the throat and pulled her face close to his. “Stop. Laughing. Now.”

Harley probably wouldn’t have been able to get her laughter under control without his tight grip on her throat and the accompanying sexual thrill that put all merriment out of her head and replaced it with primal desire. As soon as she was staring at him like she was starved for him again the anger in his face eased a little and he pushed her away from him and let go of her throat.

“I’m sorry, Puddin’, it’s just I know what’s wrong with you and you aren’t sick or dying.” She reassured him. He looked up at her hopefully, silently signaling for her to go on. “You’re just bored! You need something new and interesting to do.”

“Bored? I’ve never been bored in my life!” He sounded offended by her diagnosis. “How can you tell if you’re bored?”

“Oh it’s pretty easy. Nothing seems fun, even things you normally like to do leave you dissatisfied. You want something to feel exciting but no matter what you try nothing does. Most people get bored occasionally but you’re so much fun Puddin’ it’s just taken you a lot longer to get your first taste of it.” Harley took advantage of the Joker’s perplexed state to climb into his lap.

“But you know how to cure it?” He looked at her hopefully. She loved the rare chance to be of some actual help to the Joker and nodded quickly even though she really had no idea what would cure his boredom. It needed to be something pretty great to amuse a bored clown.

“Sure I do! We just need to get you out of the hideout and do something you’ve never done before. Something that will feel fresh and exciting. Now let me think…”

The Joker stared at Harley expectantly while she bit her lower lip and thought over the possibilities. There wasn’t exactly a long list of things the Joker had never done before that he might find amusing. She wished the circus was in town or something that might be too fun for him to resist. Hmm, what was going on in Gotham? She mentally reviewed a list of all the things she knew were happening. There were the usual things, a museum displaying a precious painting that would be stolen before the week was out. What must the Gotham City Art Museum pay in insurance premiums? Banks and jewelry heists were so old hat it was almost impossible not to be bored. Bruce Wayne was probably hosting some charitable gala but they always had bad luck whenever they messed with the billionaire playboy, he seemed to be Batman’s best friend or something. Red always had fun ideas but anything involving her best friend would automatically piss off the Joker further. Trying to think of something to amuse the Jester of Genocide was quite a challenge. Then inspiration struck! She pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened her email scrolling until she found the event notice she’d read a week or so ago.

“How about this, Puddin’?” Harley asked while handing the phone over to Mr.  J to read the email.

“Gotham’s Annual Kinky Slave Auction? Submissives of all sorts will be auctioned off to the highest bidder at our beloved annual event to raise money for our submissives mentoring program.  Dressing up encouraged within the theme of slave and master or pimps and hos or just wear what makes you feel sexy.” The Joker read aloud, his voice getting more annoyed with every word. He turned to Harley when he was done. “Are you suggesting we rob a fundraiser that probably won’t even have any proper security?”

“Of course not! They wouldn’t have enough to make it worth our time anyway. No, I think we should go and buy a slave. I mean you’ve done a whole lot of stuff Mr. J but I’ll bet you never bought a slave!” She smiled brightly at the Joker.

“No, I can’t say I’ve ever _bought_ one…” He said while giving her a pointed look. She knew she should probably be offended or something but he wasn’t exactly wrong. She decided to ignore his look.

“And we had a lot of fun at that kinky party at Halloween. I think this is just the thing to shake you out of your boredom. Besides if it sucks we can always just kill everyone and see if maybe that helps.” Harley threw her arms around the Joker’s neck and watched his face while he pretended to think it over. He had made his mind up already but he liked to tease her when he saw that she was excited about something.

“Ok, pumpkin, if you think this will help then let’s try it. But if it doesn’t we’ll have to think of something else I’ve never done before, something I’m more likely to enjoy.” He gave her a dangerous look and slowly stroked her throat while he was talking. The message was obvious, if the Joker didn’t have fun at this party then killing her might be his way of fighting off boredom.  Well then she’d just make damn sure he had the time of his life at this auction even if she had to do some pretty crazy stuff to make that happen.

“Don’t worry, Puddin’, you’ll be tormenting the Bat and terrorizing Gotham City again before you know it. I guarantee it.” Harley pressed her lips against Mr. J’s before he could make any more threats. She had no intention of being the first person to actually die of boredom, especially someone else's, and a bored Joker was just as deadly as an amused one. She slid off his lap and onto her knees before she started unfastening his pants. He hadn’t shown any interest in getting a blow job but the party wasn’t until tomorrow night and that left plenty of time for his boredom to escalate but Harley Quinn had a trick or two up her sleeve to amuse him until then.


	2. Chapter 2

As it turned out no amount of sexual tricks was going to help the situation. The Joker might be the one feeling bored but his boredom was ruining all of her fun too. No one likes to hear a discontented sigh come from the guy you are trying to blow. Suddenly this slave auction seemed like too small of an idea. They needed something big, something impossibly huge to get the Joker out of his current mood and back to his normal self. Unfortunately Harley wasn’t great at coming up with over the top ideas, that was really Mr. J’s department. If Harley wanted to do a thing she generally did it in the most effective way possible, convoluted plans that boggled the mind were not really in her. No wonder Mr. J insisted she was a sidekick and not his partner in crime. Thinking like that was just getting her down too and that was the last thing they needed right now. No, the slave auction was the only thing she had to work with at the moment so that’s what they would be doing. Harley spent the day preparing a lot of fun gags and packing a bag full of mischief for them to use with whatever slave it was they ended up buying. Torturing one person might sound like child’s play for a villain like Mr. J but the man was an artist. He put as much time and care into killing one man as he did into killing a hundred. Sometimes more if that one man was amusing enough.

After a miserable day spent avoiding the wrath of a bored Joker and hearing occasional shots ring out in the hideout as yet another goon pissed off the boss and then shuffled off this mortal coil, Harley could not wait to get ready for the slave auction and get out of the house. There hadn’t really been a question of costume or not, they had to wear costumes, Mr. J was entirely too recognizable without one. And there was really no question of what sort of costume they would choose. The Joker’s wardrobe was always one item away from crossing the line between sharp dressed clown and pimp. With a flashy purple hat tilted just so over his face the clown was gone and he was a tall, thin and pale procurer of loose women. That really left Harley no choice but to dress as slutty as possible. She wouldn’t dare go in a costume that didn’t coordinate with her Puddin’s. Fortunately her tastes sometimes ran a bit risqué. She was just barely covered by a pair of tiny shorts and an even tinier bustier but she looked just right standing next to the Clown Prince of Flesh Peddling.  She still kept to her signature colors so in some ways they still looked like the Joker and Harley Quinn but like versions of themselves from an alternate reality where instead of being super villains they had decided to stick to small time hustling in the alleys of Gotham City.

At the last kinky event they had gone to they had left a lot of dead bodies behind, so Harley was pretty determined to avoid going back to the house where it had happened. In fact she was almost certain that no one else had been there since either. A half dozen murders during a BDSM sex party did tend to make people shy away from a place. Fortunately this event was being held somewhere else.  This venue was still in the Gotham City limits and the large space looked like a warehouse that had been transformed into a night club. When the Joker and Harley walked into the space it was already quite crowded with people. They had come a bit late to avoid any undue socializing and skip right to the auction but it looked like things weren’t quite underway just yet. Harley looked around at the club they had entered with curiosity. In its daily life it must have served as some type of Goth club, everything that wasn’t black was a deep scarlet red but very little wasn’t black. It was hard not to like a place that was all decked out in her colors. At the far end of the room was a stage which it seemed would be the location of the actual auction judging by the line of people chained to each other in front of the stage. The center of the room in front of the stage was apparently where bidders could stand  and then around the outside there were tables and chairs set up for spectators or for people to use later in the evening. Harley was excited to look over the slaves and choose one for them to play with and started to drag Mr. J with her through the crowd.  It seemed hopeless until the Joker used his height advantage to steer her around the throng of waiting bidders towards the front.

As the Joker carefully moved her around the room, trying not to draw too much attention to themselves, Harley looked at the people in the room. This was a much larger function than the previous one they had attended and had a much greater variety of people to observe. The first person that caught her eye was a man dressed head to toe in a latex panda costume. He was just standing there being a latex panda like it was his natural state of existence. Harley couldn’t stop the shrill giggle she let out but felt bad and hoped he hadn’t heard her. She loved that he felt free to let his inner latex panda out but he might take her laughter the wrong way. She looked in the other direction and saw a man dressed in some sort of steam punk style costume holding a helium tank. Harley didn’t know what you would bring a helium tank to a kink event for but this guy was obviously committed to whatever thrill he was about to get, the tank looked heavy. There were a few other people dressed in pimp costumes, some dressed as harem girls and sultans, Roman style clothing and other strange things that they felt fit the theme but mostly people were dressed in what would be considered fetish wear. Lots of black, lots of corsets and weirdly a lot of men in kilts. She wasn’t sure what the link was there but it was obviously a thing. She liked seeing people like this, dressing in a way that revealed their inner freaky selves instead of walking around in their usual masks of normalcy. It was too bad they only allowed themselves to do this every once in a while in a dark club. The Joker had taught her how to take the mask off for good and she would never ever go back.

It took a lot of navigating to get through the crowd without just pushing people out of the way. Mr. J stopped briefly while looking for a clear route and Harley had a chance to get a good look at the couple next to her. The man was young, hot, fit and dangerous looking. She’d seen a lot of violent people in her life and there’s always something in the eyes that’s a giveaway every time. He looked like he was ready to rip out the throat of the next person who got in his way. Not so strange for this crowd except he was wearing a dog collar attached to a leash that was being held tightly by the attractive older woman standing next to him. Harley felt puzzled at first, he didn’t look like a submissive or not her idea of one. He looked like he should be causing trouble in one of the big crime outfits around town. And then he looked at the woman holding his leash and his eyes immediately softened and suddenly instead of looking violent he looked like a puppy waiting for a scratch behind the ear from his owner. ‘Oh how cute!’ Harley thought to herself, it was always nice to see people in love even if she and Mr. J might end up killing them later. She wondered to herself if the good looking guy next to her was going to be up for auction but as she watched the woman he was with pull him even closer to herself and give the man a kiss followed by a look so intensely possessive it practically stamped the world ‘MINE’ across his forehead Harley figured she was out of luck with that. Too bad. Harley didn't have a wandering eye, there was no one for her but the Joker, but still it’s always nice to have a pretty toy to play with. Of course she and the Joker would do what they wanted with anyone they wanted to but the idea had been to participate in the slave auction.

They were moving again and at last were at the front of the crowd where the line of slaves were. It was an extremely diverse group of people. There were a few attractive slaves in the line though most weren’t. Well the ability to be good at taking pain probably didn’t correspond to attractiveness. And she’d brought such a nice bag of tricks to play with it didn’t really matter what the person looked like, fun would be had by her and Mr. J at least. There were men and women and one or two people who maybe didn’t care to have such limited binary options. Each was chained to the others and holding up a sign with their hard limits. Most didn’t have a lot and the limits they had were pretty easy to work around. No one had being murdered on their sign so it was really their own fault for not thinking of all the possibilities. They were practically asking to die a violent death in order to cheer up the Joker. Speaking of Mr. J, Harley noticed he had left her standing there looking over the people for sale and was talking to the person holding a clip board in his hand and had a flogger clipped to his belt.  She guessed he was  probably in charge of keeping the slaves in line. They were both looking at her while they spoke which was a bit strange but she smiled and waved anyway. The Joker smiled back at her and signaled for her to come to him which she of course did immediately. She’d barely gotten within arm’s length of him before she felt his strong hands pull her over to the end of the line of slaves while the man with the flogger shackled her wrists quickly. The Joker handed her a sign to hold while she looked up at him in shock.

“Oh come now, Harley, buying a slave? I have dozens of people milling around the hideout ready to do anything I say and all it does most of the time is annoy the hell out of me. No I need something new and exciting, you did say that and you are the doctor. Well this seems much more exciting to me. Don’t worry, pooh, I’m sure your new owner will take good care of you.” He said this all while beaming a huge smile at her and finished by giving her a wink, a pat on the head and then walking away.

Harley followed his movements with her eyes until he was out of sight. He was so tall she should be able to see him anywhere in the crowd unless he had left or was making sure she couldn’t see him for some reason. Her sense of his presence in any room told her he had actually left her there. She knew all she had to do was tell the man who chained her up to let her go and he would but she couldn’t bring herself to go against Mr. J’s plans. She knew that he wasn’t really selling her, the auction was for just one night with the slave you bought. What had tears starting to well up in her eyes was the knowledge that if someone else played with one of the Joker’s toys then he would never want that toy back again. She told herself it was just a game, that Mr. J had a plan and she didn’t need to worry but some dark place hidden at the very back of her mind had doubts. Normally she managed to keep those thoughts under lock and key but right now that was very hard to do as she looked down at her sign and read the words written on it. “No limits, do anything you want to me.”


	3. Chapter 3

Harley had been one of the last slaves to join the auction which meant she had to wait a very very long time before it time for the bidding for her to begin. At first it was a nice distraction to watch the bidding on the other slaves, it took her mind off of her worries about why the Joker had left her here. Then after a while it just got terribly boring. Slave after slave went up on stage and their hard limits were announced, some were shy, some were flirty with the audience; most were just awkward. Eventually the bidding reached its peak and they were taken away by their new owner for the night. Once or twice the bidding got to ridiculously high amounts and Harley watched with interest to try and figure out what it was about the person on stage made them so special that someone would pay a couple of thousand dollars for a night with them. There wasn’t an obvious answer, attractiveness didn’t seem to be the motivation. Perhaps it was that the submissive in question was known in the community to be a lot of fun. There was no telling. Most of the time though she was bored and stared out into the audience wondering which lucky jackass was going to buy a night with the infamous Harley Quinn. Whoever it was they sure were going to get a lot of bang for their buck; standing around waiting for her turn had left her more than ready to play.

Harley hadn’t figured out why the Joker had left her here alone but after her initial disappointment she had realized that it didn’t really matter. When the Joker left her alone then it was just a chance for her to step up and have some fun on her own. Or she tried to think of it like that, Harley wasn’t really big on alone time. Still, when life hands you lemons you might as well make a lemon cream pie to throw in some other poor sucker’s face. So Harley was going to be sold and the lucky winner who bought her?  Well, they were going to have a real good time together but it would be Harley’s idea of how to have a good time with anyone who wasn’t her Puddin’. Murder, mayhem, and merriment weren’t the same without the Joker there but they still made the list of Harley’s favorite things. That’s why she couldn’t live without Mr. J., no one could provide the thrills that man could. All the same Harley didn’t lack for creativity or cruelty even without the help of the Clown Prince of Crime despite what other people might think. The Joker was the only one who ever really understood that. People thought he let her into his life because he wanted to corrupt her, wanted to ruin his good lady doctor. Ha! She fought her way into his heart and into his life by showing just how deadly she could be. Mr. J couldn’t have loved her if she was just another crazy prank and her Puddin’ did love her. She could feel it in every touch and hear it in every word from him.

Finally when Harley was just about to give up on this slave auction idea and start amusing herself in other ways her turn finally came up. She managed to keep control of the growing anticipation for violence within her and occupied herself by driving the price on her up during the bidding through flirting with the audience. A few winks and kisses blown here and there led to her final price being one of the highest of the night, but not the highest. Someone was going to pay for that she thought as she gritted her teeth and growled at the idea that she was not valued as highly as she should have been. If she couldn’t do it herself she felt certain Mr. J would make them pay for the slight when he came back. If he came back. She shook that gloomy thought out of her head and looked up to find herself staring at the man who had purchased her for the night. He was built like a mountain, tall and wide. He probably had a head made of rock too but Harley couldn’t be sure of that just yet. It was quite likely she’d kill him before she ever had a chance to find out.

“C’mon, I don’t like slow subs.” The man grabbed Harley’s upper arm tightly and pulled her along next to him until they arrived in a small room that had a floor covered in interlocking red and blue foam squares. It looked like something you’d see in a school gymnasium and Harley was having trouble imagining what the purpose of it was until her Dom for the night pushed her across the room and then growled out, “We’re gonna wrestle.”

Harley looked the man over and decided that no, she was not at all interested in writhing around on a foam mat with this man. He looked like he would sweat easily and often and the idea of being pinned under a sweaty mound of flesh more than double her size was enough to make her shudder with disgust.

“No, we aren’t.” After all this was BDSM, negotiating the scene was an important part of it all. Or so she had heard though Mr. J was exactly the negotiating type.

“Your sign said no limits and that’s just perfect because I don’t play with limits. Or safe words.”

 He gave her what she was certain he meant to be a cruel and menacing grin but needless to say the effect was lost on the Joker’s partner in crime. Mr. J’s kindest smile would make this dumbass wet his pants. Suddenly Harley actually really wanted to give this guy a chance to wrestle with her. He was really in for a surprise! She returned his smile with a crazed grin of her own and crooked her finger in a come hither gesture. The man looked a little unsure of himself for a moment but his overconfidence returned quickly and he charged at Harley. She dodged him and then swept his feet out from under him with her leg so he landed on his back. His teeth clacked together painfully when his head hit the mat under him. He glared up at Harley before jumping to his feet. Harley hadn’t been giving him much attention, not fearing anything this man could do to her when she suddenly felt a sharp electric shock in her side. She gasped in surprise more than pain and looked at what had caused the shock. Her wrestling buddy had pulled out a red and black plastic wand. She’d never really seen anything like it and then he pushed it against her exposed skin a second time and as she watched a small electric zap jumped out and bit at her flesh. The sensation was mild but extremely annoying pain, like getting snapped with a rubber band. Harley could take a lot of pain, god knows the Joker had given her plenty, and she’d always smiled and asked for more but this just pissed her off.

There was no thinking or considering what to do next, she quickly grabbed the zapping tool out of the man’s hand and turned it on him. She wasn’t interested in giving him an electric shock, instead the rage within her guided her hand and she found herself stabbing the man in the throat. The dull tip of the device stabbed at his flesh hard enough to bruise but not do much else. Harley didn’t let that stop her, she thrust the wand at his throat again. A look of terror crossed the man’s face and he stumbled backwards trying to get away from the crazy woman attacking him. He fell onto his back and before he could move again Harley was straddling his chest and continuing to raise and lower her arm over and over with all her strength. Gradually the dull end of the wand started to make its way through the man’s skin and blood started to flow. Occasionally when she thrust the wand into his throat the electricity would fire and sparks jumped out of the wand. Finally she stabbed down hard and the zapper was buried deep in her buyer’s neck. He was still alive and making gurgling sounds until the final thrust broke the wand and it started firing over and over shooting electricity into the flesh surrounding it until a foul smelling black smoke rose up from the burning skin and the wand eventually shorted out. The gurgling sounds stopped and Harley jumped up quickly off the corpse to get away from the charred smell. She took a deep cleansing breath, ran her hand down her sides to straighten her clothing and then moderated her smile from cruel madness to innocent cheerfulness.

She was walking out of the room when she heard the music in the club turn off and the confused sound of a lot of people wondering what was going on all at once. When she looked into the main room of the club she saw the spotlight focused on the stage and the two people in the middle of it. Harley immediately recognized the lanky form of the Joker but it took her a moment to realize who was there with him. A woman wearing a bat family cowl with red hair escaping it was bound and gagged and struggling to get free. Mr. J had somehow gone out and kidnapped Batgirl. It looked like the Joker’s battle with boredom had come to an end and the Clown Prince of Crime had won. As excited as Harley was about that fact she just wanted to grab the man and find some fun and deadly games for them to play together without getting the annoying Bat family involved. It had been so long since the Joker had killed anyone other than their henchmen, now here he was in prime form but instead he went out and found some Bat bait so he could have his own playtime with the Caped Crusader. Harley pouted for a moment and then shrugged off her own disappointment and made her way closer to the stage so she could be on hand to do her part as the Joker’s partner in crime.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid a mistake has been made and we have one more slave up for auction. Now as you can see this one is a real handful, I recommend you keep the gag on. You’ve heard of a smart ass masochist? Well you can call this little lady SAM because that’s exactly what she is but trust me folks, she can take any beating you can give her. Now let’s start the bidding high, she’s going to be worth it. Who’s got a thousand dollars for the masked masochist?”

The Joker just started his attempt to get the crowd to begin bidding when something flew past his head, just missing his ear. Before Harley could be sure what it had been, Batman came gliding down the steel cable attached to the Bat grappling hook that had just shot past the Joker into the wall behind the stage. As he flew through the air he grabbed Batgirl out of the Joker’s grasp and got her safely away from the villain before they landed at the back of the room.  He made quick work of untying the binding that the Joker had used to subdue his sidekick. Of course with Batman’s attention focused elsewhere the Joker was not going to just stand there and innocently wait to be apprehended by Gotham’s protector so he could be beaten up and taken off the Arkham Asylum. He jumped off the stage and into the crowd. Harley could still see him since he was taller than most of the people around him but she couldn’t see exactly what he was doing. Something that would piss off the Bat she was certain. She moved closer as quickly as she could but despite what seemed to be the Joker, Batman and Batgirl in the room the crowd of people had made no move to leave the club. They seemed to think it was all part of a show or something as they watched on in fascination. Harley shook her head and rolled her eyes as she pushed person after person out of her way. They’d know soon enough that this was real, the Batman wouldn’t stay distracted for long and the Joker wouldn’t be going anywhere until he’d had some fun with his nemesis. And with that thought Batman turned away from Batgirl and scanned the crowd for the Joker, quickly spying the tall villain’s green hair and pale face. He headed in Mr. J’s direction and the crowd parted for him still watching on to see what would happen next.

“Hey Bats, what’s black and white and red all over?” The Joker asked before shoving the man in the latex panda suit towards Batman. Harley could see sparks flickering around the panda’s face indicating that the Joker had shoved one of his favorite type of explosives into the man’s mouth. It looked like a stick of dynamite out of a kid’s cartoon but when it went boom its concentrated explosion would blow Mr. Panda into nothing more than a big splash of blood and guts.

“Consider yourselves warned ladies and gentlemen, the first three rows will get wet!”

Mr. J dissolved into hysterical laughter as any people stupid enough to stand there and watch the Joker and Batman fight each other took a few clumsy steps backwards before their brains caught on to the fact that this was all really happening and they turned to run towards the nearest exit. That’s when the screaming started and as so often happened when the Joker was having fun, chaos ensued. Harley looked back to where Batman was standing with Mr. J’s living bear bomb. He carefully removed the explosive from the man’s mouth and then looked around the room for a place to throw it. Harley held her breath and made a wish that the bomb would go off early and blow Bats to smithereens. No luck, he tossed it to Batgirl who propelled herself into the air with some sort of Bat brand doo dad that let her easily glide through one of the club’s windows near the ceiling. The Joker, Batman and Harley all stood completely still and listened over the sounds of screaming and panic in the club until they heard a distant explosion and, much to Harley’s disappointment, a splashing sound that was more likely to be coming from the nearby river than from Batgirl’s bat guts.

As soon as the explosion sounded, Batman lunged towards the Joker and quickly delivered a forceful gut punch that brought the Clown Prince of Crime to his knees. Harley knew the Joker would bounce up to deliver his own response but after the night she’d had the last thing she wanted to watch was her lover playfully flirting with Batsy while getting his ass handed to him in yet another fight with no real winner or loser. The Joker used his lower position to ram his head into Batman’s chin and sent the vigilante stumbling back a few feet. Before he could shake off the blow and return it Harley decided it was time to step in and looked around for a weapon. Fortunately the club was full of them thanks to BDSM event that they were interrupting. Harley grabbed the first thing at hand which when she looked at it turned out to be a large rubber dildo. She smiled, took aim and threw the faux phallus as hard as she could at the back of Batman’s head. The girthy weight of the sex toy hit Gotham’s Dark Knight with a forceful thunk and made him stop before he could land another blow on the Joker. Acting quickly before he could shake off the impact of the toy and turn his attention back to flattening Harley’s one true love she yelled as loudly as she could to get the man’s attention.

“Hey dickhead! Yeah, I’m talking to you, Batbrains! You’ve been a bad Batsy and it’s time to teach you a lesson.” Harley gritted her teeth with determination, grabbed a weapon from the same pile of equipment she’d gotten the dildo from only this time her hand landed on a heavy looking leather paddle and with a running leap she threw herself into the air in Batman’s direction, landing on top of his shoulders. Aiming for any place she could reach Harley used the tool in her hand to smack the hell out of Bats over and over again. When Batman got a grip on her and pulled her off his shoulders, Harley looked up and could see what looked strangely like letters across the man’s exposed chin. She looked down at the paddle in her hand and saw that the leather had been crafted in such a way that when it hit flesh it left an imprint of the word “SLUT” behind. Harley looked back up at Batman and started laughing a mad giggle that rolled around the room and bounced off the walls in shrieks and peals. Bats ignored her and turned back around to find the Joker but unsurprisingly he’d taken advantage of Harley’s distracting the Bat to make his getaway.

The vigilante looked first toward the front and then the rear exit of the club, expecting to see a flash of pale skin and green hair as the Joker pushed past the panicked crowd to get out but there was no sign of him in either direction. Harley hadn’t bothered looking for him at all but instead sighed and got ready to be dragged off to Arkham by Batman, it was worth it so long as her Puddin’ got away. Instead she suddenly felt a strong arm grab her around the waist and before she could see who it belonged to her body was immediately lifted off the ground and was quickly shooting up toward the club’s second floor balcony. Harley looked up and saw a steel cable attached to what looked like Batman’s grappling gun which was held by a long slender hand with pale skin. It looked like tonight Mr. J’s escape plan included her for a change. Harley didn’t often get to play damsel in distress with the Joker, what with him not really being the hero type, and she got a big thrill out of the brief moment of being saved by the man she loved. Sadly it ended all too soon and it was time for them to get out while the getting was good. Fortunately the club obeyed Gotham’s rarely enforced safety practices and there were illuminated exit signs that soon led them to a fire escape on the side of the building. As they ran out of the club and into a waiting car the Joker spoke to Harley for the first time since he had left her alone at the auction. He gave her a sidelong look that made her feel nervous and a little queasy.

“Did you have fun playing with whoever bought you, pumpkin?”

Her fear quickly turned to a shiver of happiness. Possessiveness from the Joker made her heart swell and put a big smile on her face. “Of course Puddin’, we had a great time, it was electric really!”

Harley’s overly enthusiastic response told the Joker everything he needed to know. “So he’s dead?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Good girl.” The Joker replied before patting her on the head like a puppy and starting the car up so they could head home before Batman made it out of the club and chased them to their hideout.


	4. Chapter 4

Harley was bent over the Joker’s desk and had been for more than an hour. When they’d returned home from the party he’d been nearly manic, ideas for capers and torments spilled from his lips so quickly that Harley could barely follow along with what he was trying to say. Then he had sat down at his desk and started scribbling and drawing plan after plan as quickly as he could. After weeks of boredom the plots and capers flowed from his brain like a fountain. At first Harley had been delighted to see his enthusiasm, laughing and bouncing up and down a little at the sight of the return of the Joker’s genius. This must have been what it would be like to watch Mozart compose, sheet after sheet of pure artistry flowing from a true master’s hands. Then as time went on Harley got bored herself but not wanting to interrupt the Joker she had instead curled up in a nearby chair and had a little nap. Eventually she woke up and found that her enthusiasm for the Joker’s renewed interest in work had been replaced by an intense need to get her own dose of enthusiasm from his hands. Or any other part of his body that was willing. His dry spell creatively had also led to a complete lack of sex and now Harley was so ready to be touched by him that she didn’t really care if it was a kiss or a kick. So she’d thrown herself at the Joker, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his face all over in a way she would rarely dare to do without his permission, she was just so damned horny!

She knew it had been a mistake as soon as she did it but she hoped her punishment would be a smack across the face, unfortunatley the Joker knew her too well. And that’s how she found herself bound to the side of his desk with nothing to do but watch him work. Mr. J hadn’t taken the time go to their room to get any bondage gear, instead he just used what was at hand in his office. Her ankles were each strapped against the legs of the desk with the stretched springs that were once the snakes in a prank can of nuts. Her torso was flat against the cold surface of the desk and her arms draped over the front and back of the desk, bound with the cords that had one laced up the bustier she had been wearing earlier in the evening. And just to keep her from interrupting his thoughts with any chatter the Joker had gagged her by shoving a red rubber clown’s nose into her mouth from the jar of clown noses he kept on his desk, as any true clown prince would. So for the last hour all she could do was lay quietly, stare, and try to swallow her saliva before she accidentally left a pool of slobber on the desk.

That in itself wouldn’t really be much of a punishment, she loved watch the Joker do anything. Work, think, fight, laugh; anything. Just seeing him living and breathing and existing in the world was a thrill beyond belief. The Joker was more than aware of that fact and had made sure she still managed to suffer. He did it by never once looking in her direction. Whether he was writing, drawing, talking to himself or laughing at his own cleverness he always kept his eyes off of her and acted like he was alone in his office. Like Harley didn’t exist at all. There was nothing that could hurt her more than to feel so utterly unimportant to the Joker that he wouldn’t even deign to look at her. That was cruelty. The Joker’s eyes were often cruel, filled with the fire of hate and malice when he stared at you. They could glitter and dance with amusement but not joy or genuine happiness. Never happiness. He could find humor in anything but seeing the joke, laughing at the punchline, didn’t lighten his mind or spirit. It all just fed that fire that burned in his gaze. If a person could stand to stare into his eyes they could see it all; the power, the madness, the laughter, the hate. So much hate. And when he stared at you he didn’t peer into your soul or see your inner truth. He didn’t care what was inside your mind. All he could see was the punchline to every man’s life- your death and if the Joker was staring into your eyes it was almost guaranteed that your death would be at his hands. Unless you were very special, like Harley.

When Harley stared into his eyes she could see more than just the villain. She could see the man and the god. Anyone could see the laughter in his eyes but only Harley could see the tears. And though everyone else doubted it was there, she could see the love. Having all that taken away from her? There was nothing worse. Most people prayed the Joker never focused his attention on them, Harley needed it to live. She had no doubt her heart would stop beating if the Joker ever really cast her aside for good. She’d just have to make sure that never happened. So she stood at the desk, bent over and bound, desperately horny and ready for whatever the Joker would decide happened next. And as any good girl should be, after proving she could be quiet and patient, she started getting rewarded. Of course the Joker pretended that wasn’t what was happening but Harley knew better. Mr. J would get up and stretch, walking around the room only to find that smacking Harley’s butt was just what he needed to relieve any tension in his muscles. It was all done in a teasing and torturous way of course. No sooner would the skin of her ass start to feel hot and stinging then he would stop and return to his chair to plot out some new crime caper. Then twenty minutes later he’d be up again pulling her hair or scratching her skin. At some point he’d cut the rest of her clothing off of her, letting the sharp edge of the knife leave some shallow nicks on her skin. She could feel warm blood trickle down the back of one thigh like the center line on an old fashioned pair of stockings.

When there was no longer any part of her body that didn’t ache or throb from cuts or bites or some other little cruelty he adopted a new type of teasing. He’d stroke her clit for a moment or finger her pussy until her juices were dripping down her inner thighs. For a few minutes he had disappeared and returned with a heavy metal anal plug that Harley had in the past been unable to accommodate. Her eyes widened as he sat it down on the desk in front of her. Her stomach quivered a little in fear at the sight of it. Moments later she felt something completely new. Something soft and warm was caressing the opening to her ass. The Joker had never really been particularly into anal play and had certainly never done this with his tongue though Harley had more than once thought of asking if she could do it to him. She suffered from a perpetual desire to lick the man from head to toe. So far she’d been afraid of his reaction but now she smiled inwardly at the thought that maybe he’d be more open to it than she’d expected. The soft pressure of his tongue was soon replaced with a thin finger. By now Harley had been aroused for so long that she felt what could only be described as desperation to be touched more and more. She relaxed her whole body, ready for anything and everything Mr. J might want to do to her. Another finger slid easily into her ass and then a third. She felt a glow of pride, she’d never taken so many fingers anally before. Her eyes must have been closed when the Joker picked the anal plug back up because she wasn’t prepared for the feeling of cold metal slipping over her wet folds as her ass continued to be stretched and finger fucked. She relaxed again, unable to push back against his hand because of her restraints but wishing she could. A quiet whimper escaped her mouth as she ached to come.

The transition from his long thing fingers to the round heaviness of the metal plug was sudden, too sudden and the shock cause Harley to gasp and almost choke on her own saliva accumulating behind her makeshift gag. She’d just gotten her throat cleared and her breathing back to normal when she opened her eyes to see the Joker sitting in his desk chair again apparently writing a list of chemicals he needed to have some goons steal for him as soon as possible. Once again he was pretending she didn’t exist. Harley wanted to cry not just because he’d stopped paying attention to her but because the weight of the plug was causing a lot of unexpected arousal. It felt that like her ass and pussy were both full and if she wiggled her hips a little it was nearly like getting fucked. She knew she would get in trouble if the Joker caught her at it so she had to suppress all the moans and sighs that were fighting to spill out of her mouth. Eventually the throbbing and ache of her clit got the better of her and she couldn’t hide the wiggles and shimmies that were driving her so crazy. The Joker looked her dead in the eye with such a mixture of amusement and anger and desire that Harley thought she could come just from that, it was the tiny shred of self-control she had left that kept her from falling over the edge. If she hadn’t been trained for years not to displease him there was no way she could have stopped herself. Mr. J turned his eyes back to his work and Harley managed somehow to stand still. She was even able to hold in a happy squeak when he stood up again.

Harley couldn’t see him but she could feel his body behind hers. When she heard his zipper open relief flooded her soul. She’d waited so long for this. One of his hands slid up her inner thigh and she heard him laugh in reaction to how much of her pussy juice had flooded out of her. She felt the head of his cock line up with her slit and then start to slowly push its way in. The heavy weight of the metal toy was still very noticeable and Harley was suddenly afraid that both the toy and the Joker’s thick cock would rip her in half. In her frenzied state she didn’t really care so long as she came first. He continued to tease his length slowly into her body, it was agonizing. When his entire cock was surrounded by her wet heat Harley felt him shudder with pleasure. There weren’t words for how that made her feel, his every word and touch was ecstasy to her and any hint that the pleasure was shared was too joyous to quantify. He began thrusting, carefully not moving fast or hard so that the plug didn’t make things uncomfortable for either of them. Harley’s breathing was already coming in fast pants but then Mr. J placed his hand on the side of her neck, leaning on her with enough weight to hurt. She couldn’t move at all now, all she could do was take the fucking he gave her and try not to let her breathing get so frenzied that she passed out. He had teased her for so long but now it seemed he was done playing games and was ready to let her have some satisfaction. He brushed her long blond hair aside and leaned his mouth down to her ear. His body pressed against her in a suffocating and wonderful way. Then his lips brushed against the sensitive skin of her ear lobe as his warm breath raised goosebumps over her skin.

“You will come for me now.” He commanded. Normally Harley would require more than that, at least some contact with her clit but now she was so worked up that it was no effort to let go and climax finally. Unlike coming from her clit being rubbed this orgasm was less intense and at the same time more overwhelming. It felt like her whole body was being swallowed up by it and the only way she could bear it was to scream, which she did though the gag in her mouth muffled it and she could no longer stop the drool from dripping out the side of her mouth and on to the desk. Tears filled her eyes for a moment but then dissolved away into blissful happiness. The whole experience was terrible and wonderful all at once, Harley loved it. She could hear the Joker groaning out his own release behind her and that only heightened how good she felt. She hoped the Joker never felt bored again but if he did she really hoped it ended in such a satisfying way.

Feeling like a rag doll with no strength left to move her own body, Harley lay on the desk and tried to catch her breath as the Joker slowly pulled out of her. Other than a small whine of disappointment she had no observable reaction to the loss of his cock inside her though internally she felt a little like crying. A slow deep breath cleared away the gloomy feeling, as much as she would enjoy it there was no chance the Joker was just going to spend all his time inside her. So the feeling of post orgasmic bliss returned and also a feeling of utter exhaustion. There were no windows in this room but Harley’s internal clock told her it was daytime by now. Other than her small nap she and the Joker had been awake for more than 24 hours and her bed was calling her. Apparently Harley was not the only one ready to sleep because the Joker had removed her bonds and started steering her body in the direction of their bedroom. She wished he would pick her up and carry her but instead she stumbled through the hideout like she was drunk on legs that shook and wobbled from tiredness and too much time tied in the same position. Harley crashed face first on to her side of the bed without bothering to even get under the blanket. Her eyes drifted closed and random nonsensical thoughts filled her mind as she started to fall asleep. A sudden coherent thought pulled her away from the looming unconsciousness.

“Puddin? Are you all cured of your boredom?” She asked in a thin sleepy voice, not bothering to open her eyes.

“Bored? I don’t get bored! I’m the Joker! Only boring people get bored. They dress in black and brood in gloomy caves until they get so bored they decide to go out and fight crime or something equally stupid. Batman gets bored. The King of Comedy doesn’t get bored.” The Joker stopped speaking for a moment and Harley started to drift off again, her breathing becoming slow and regular. Mr. J’s voice danced through her head in her last moment of consciousness.

“And like any wise king I have my little jester to keep me amused if life should get a little dull.” Harley felt warm all over and smiled happily as she finally succumbed to her tiredness and fell fast asleep.


End file.
